The Darkness Doesn't Understand

John 1:5 says: “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”

In the past 48 hours my heart and mind have been bombarded with the hope and life that comes from the life of Jesus. I have been overwhelmed by the realization (once again!) that I am loved by a God I cannot understand, a God I cannot fully know no matter how hard I try to comprehend his ways, and a God who seeks me out when I turn away. God reaches for me when I believe that I am unreachable.

Who doesn't do that? We all do that.

Last night I was in a texting conversation (which was odd because I'm not a fan of actual conversations via text) with someone who is trying to decide what to do with a blessing God has placed in their life. They are struggling with accepting that God would give them an opportunity to live the life he has given them. Needless to say I was getting frustrated. I was getting frustrated with not only the person on the other side of the text messages, but also with myself. Why can't we just accept it? Why can't we just give in to the fact that God will be there for us, will provide for us, and will shine brightly in our lives?

We are so overtaken by our shame and guilt that we don't allow ourselves to accept the redemption and love of the Gospel for ourselves. We hold onto the burdens of our sin, sadness, hurt, anger, and confusion and we exhaust all our energy on devaluing ourselves and making ourselves unworthy of God's love. We condemn ourselves. And without realizing it we make ourselves "the least of these" (Matt. 25:40). We make ourselves the lowly, the untouchables, the forgotten, and the lonely.

Then, a light shines - and the darkness doesn't understand. The darkness doesn't understand why it can't hold on. The darkness doesn't understand why it is weak in the presence of the victory of the cross. Eventually the darkness has to give up. And when it does we stand in the light with tears of joy on our cheeks, laughter in our hearts, hands that shake with gratitude, and eyes that can see that we are loved, we are forgiven, we are redeemed, we are somehow worthy, and we are able to live.