Seasons of Life

Throughout my life I have been told by mentors, teachers, spiritual leaders, family members, and other adults that life is full of seasons. It isn't uncommon for me to hear "there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven," (Ecclesiastes 3). The scripture goes on to describe pretty much every possible thing we might experience in our lives; birth, death, war, dancing, love, building up and tearing down, singing, crying, the list goes on and on. Every event, every emotion, every relationship we share, they all happen for a reason and they'll all happen in God's time.

This is an awesome, beautiful, amazing season. More and more my eyes are being opened to what is actually going on in my life....

I am not just a part-time youth director at a church; I am using the gifts God has given me to serve and impact (I hope!) the lives of some unique, wonderfully made kids.

I am not just a bride-to-be; I am learning what it means to become someone's wife.

I am not just a lover waiting to be married; I am learning what it means to be loved deeply by my favorite friend.

I am not just a student of the world; I am gaining knowledge and experience I could never gain from a classroom.

I am not just a daughter who has grown independent; I am a young woman who was raised well and is ready to prove to show the world what and who I have become.

More and more these moments, these experiences, these lessons are being made evident to me and I realize I can't take this time for granted. Every day I tell someone, "I'm just so excited for these days to pass and be married and experience what awesome life events are coming!" And that is true! But tonight as I have laid awake in bed unable to sleep I can't help but realize that there is a season for everything and that this season of life is important. Not that it is bad to anticipate what will be. But it is just as important to appreciate and glean from the time that is. Experiencing this season, sharing this time, soaking up the lessons and blessings I have now will make the seasons to come even sweeter. Ahhh. 81 more days until seasons change....

What Was He Thinking?

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." -Genesis 1:1-2

I cannot count the number of times I have read this scripture. I remember that it took God 6 days to imagine the universe. I remember learning about how God made the earth out of nothing; I remember imagining the moon and the stars and the sun shimmer from the dark corners of the nothingness the earth suddenly appeared from. I remember singing songs about it during vacation Bible school. I remember every camp song ever sung about God creating the seas and the trees and the hippopotamuses. I remember the first time I ever taught a Bible Encounter on stewardship and walked through all of Genesis 1 with my 5th grade campers acting out each day through interpretive dance.

As much as I remember there is also a lot that I forget. I forget which day God made what. I forget which came first - the sky or the water. I forget whether God chose to make the stars and the moon before blasting the sun into view. I forget how cool it is to think about how God capped off creation by making us.

Keeping in mind all that I remember and forget about Genesis 1, I had a new thought today. What was God thinking? Did he know that he was going to make the most beautiful awe-inspiring things ever? Did he realize the impact color would have? Did he spend hours calculating formulas and analyzing bits and pieces of ground to make each and every piece of each and every creature just perfect? Did he know that the creation he loved and toiled over would turn away from him with ungrateful hearts and selfish desires? As the Trinity looked at the universe in it's first days of existence did they know what they were getting into?

I think God knew. I think Jesus knew that eventually he would experience the fall of creation first hand and redeem what would be lost. I think the Spirit knew he would have his work cut out for him when it came to making God known. And even though they knew, they still followed through with it. They still made the flowers, the animals, the mountains, the stars, the rivers and oceans, the clouds, and the wind, and us. Cool.

The Darkness Doesn't Understand

John 1:5 says: “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”

In the past 48 hours my heart and mind have been bombarded with the hope and life that comes from the life of Jesus. I have been overwhelmed by the realization (once again!) that I am loved by a God I cannot understand, a God I cannot fully know no matter how hard I try to comprehend his ways, and a God who seeks me out when I turn away. God reaches for me when I believe that I am unreachable.

Who doesn't do that? We all do that.

Last night I was in a texting conversation (which was odd because I'm not a fan of actual conversations via text) with someone who is trying to decide what to do with a blessing God has placed in their life. They are struggling with accepting that God would give them an opportunity to live the life he has given them. Needless to say I was getting frustrated. I was getting frustrated with not only the person on the other side of the text messages, but also with myself. Why can't we just accept it? Why can't we just give in to the fact that God will be there for us, will provide for us, and will shine brightly in our lives?

We are so overtaken by our shame and guilt that we don't allow ourselves to accept the redemption and love of the Gospel for ourselves. We hold onto the burdens of our sin, sadness, hurt, anger, and confusion and we exhaust all our energy on devaluing ourselves and making ourselves unworthy of God's love. We condemn ourselves. And without realizing it we make ourselves "the least of these" (Matt. 25:40). We make ourselves the lowly, the untouchables, the forgotten, and the lonely.

Then, a light shines - and the darkness doesn't understand. The darkness doesn't understand why it can't hold on. The darkness doesn't understand why it is weak in the presence of the victory of the cross. Eventually the darkness has to give up. And when it does we stand in the light with tears of joy on our cheeks, laughter in our hearts, hands that shake with gratitude, and eyes that can see that we are loved, we are forgiven, we are redeemed, we are somehow worthy, and we are able to live.