Good Things

Good things happen. I think we are to quick to forget that. For some reason it just seems easier to let the darkness overwhelm and cover every glimmer of hope we may have. But those glimmers are brighter than we give them credit for. The tiniest shimmer from a corner of the room catches our eyes and we cannot help but be drawn to the beauty. We cannot help but notice. And that is good! It is good to notice the beauty. It is good to notice the beauty, to pick it up, to look it over, and to carry it out of the darkness with you.

Just a thought.

Change and Thanksgiving

• change; changed; chang·ing
• verb

1 to give a different position, course, or direction to 2 to replace with another; to make a shift from one to another; to undergo a modification; to become different; to pass from one phase to another; to undergo transformation, transition, or substitution

Fall is my favorite time of year. The wind stars blowing through the parks and streets of Bellingham, the sun breaks through the clouds (that have yet to come but they're on their way!) every now and then, causing the changing leaves of red, orange, brown, and gold to glow like fire. In the fall there is change in the air - and my life is full of change right now.

Relationships are changing. While some friends grow closer and claim more of my life and heart other friends begin to fade into my past. As some relationships fade a part of me is sad to see them go. But more than anything I am grateful for the role those people have played in my life and the role they will continue to play even when they are gone. Because the reality is that even if someone is gone they are still a part of who we are; for a moment in time our lives were connected and that connection will always linger, it will always "be" somehow. And as I say goodbye to pieces of my past I say hello to pieces of my future. Friends I did not expect to stick around still call or write, still show up at my front door or take the time to sit on the street and drink coffee with me. Some friendships caught me by surprise and have become a driving force in how I live day to day. These relationships are precious and stronger than I ever anticipated them being. These are the people who will celebrate, mourn, dance, laugh, and live with me to the end (you know who you are).

Professionally my life is changing. For years I have been following what I thought was the calling to outdoor ministry at camp - SURPRISE! Ministry is my calling for sure, and outdoor ministry will always play a role in what I do with my life, but for now it is not where all my time, energy, passion, and talents are being called. Instead I am working in a church - Birchwood Presbyterian Church in Bellingham! This is not where I thought I would be, or where I wanted to be. But God is good and he is faithful and he is moving in my heart as I meet new people, get to know some really unique and exciting kids, and learn the challenges that come with working in the church and the "Church". As my time as an intern at the INN came to an end last year I thought I knew exactly where God was calling me, exactly where I was supposed to be and what I would be doing and for the most part I was right. But he's got something better in mind. Something that is challenging me and strengthening me in ways I don't think I even understand. And I love it!

The way I live day to day has changed. After a couple years of living in an apartment I now get to live in a beautiful house with two friends I never thought I'd have. Christine has become like a sister to me over the course of the last year, and Susie brings spunk and enthusiasm for life to our home. The three of us have busy lives that pull us different directions, but when the moment comes for us to sit and talk it is wonderful. Christine and Susie are two women who strengthen my life and I am SO thankful for them! Along with fun roommates comes the desire to simplify my life and strengthen it in ways it has been weak. I'm trying to get excited about running, I'm working on being disciplined in faith and life responsibilities. And I'm getting stronger, I'm getting better, but there is still a lot of growing to do and I am grateful for those who hold me accountable in love.

All this to say that life is good and it is changing and it is becoming more beautiful than I ever thought it could be. I have learned to claim my past, the good and the bad, and to carry those experiences with me. I have also learned to look forward and take in where I am now. God is good - all the time!

Thanks for reading this long post. You're pretty great. Really! Peace.

Update & Being Known

A new blog from me has been a long time coming!  There have been many moments when I say to myself, "I need to write this down, I don't want to forget to share this!"  Then something happens and I go into my furbobbled state and loose every intention of writing and sharing my feelings, thoughts, experiences, and insights.  Let me give you a bit of a break down...

I have been spending the summer working at Camp Lutherwood on Lake Samish and the last couple of months have been really great.  There is an amazing and very unique group of people working here and sharing life together while serving kids in the name of Jesus.  It has been fun watching them wrestle, grow, laugh, play, worship, and discover together and as individuals.  One of the things that has made the chance to be in this community so unique has been the role I have had the opportunity to play as the Community Life Director.  The staff is my job, my mission, my purpose - it has been my responsibility to care for them emotionally and spiritually as they serve side by side throughout the summer.  In many ways I have really been enjoying my job, while in many ways I have also struggled with it (as there are many days and nights I just want to sit in the grass with my favorite people and exist with them).  

I have come to the conclusion that I do not have a place on this staff as much as I have a presence.  I do not have a cluster of people I hang out with all the time, or a couple of super close friends to share inside jokes with.  I have bits and pieces of everyone's life on my plate and have been blessed and humbled by the ways everyone has been willing to share with me.  I, on the other hand, have kept myself quite guarded.  Aside from a few exciting details about my life I haven't let the staff get to know me all that well - or so I thought.

Throughout this week we have been doing some encouragement activities to begin affirming people before they leave camp and head out into the world to study, serve, and work.  This morning the staff concluded their affirmations with me; and I was a bit surprised by some of the things they said.  They filled me with encouragement and compliments and really lifted me up.  As I was letting their words sink in I realized that it is not what they know about me, but how they know me.  We can know every statistic about ever person in the whole world and not know who they are.  But if we know someone through place, through work, through faith, through shared experiences - these are the moments when we truly begin to know someone.

One more week left and then life continues on with great, exciting things.  I'm excited to see what's next in life!  Until next time, peace.

Life Update

OK, so it's been a while.  Here's a bit of a life update:

My time at the INN has come to an end.  It was an amazing year of getting to know a group of 9 fantastic people, growing leaps and bounds in my faith, and really discovering who I am and what I want/being called to do with my life.  I wouldn't trade a moment for anything in the world.  The past couple weeks have been a little rough around the edges; I miss my fellow INNterns and the Senior Staff, I miss walks with students, I miss wandering around campus and stopping to talk to students in Red Square.  I miss listening to the music team do sound check and sharing a meal with 20 people on a Tuesday night.  I miss chatting with Host Team members, mingling late into the night after worship, running into Sarah, Lisa, and Lindsay at Avellino on Wednesday mornings, and quality time with the boys on Fridays.  I miss diving for the phone when it rings to see if I can beat Stead to it, I miss taking mail up to campus, popping over to FPC to turn in check requests or ask a random question about moving furniture around in the church.  I miss climbing up into the attic, calling student leaders to see if we can convince them to do something funny, editing video and creating funny pictures in photo shop.  I miss the chatter and the growing volume of music in the Ship when three different people are playing music.  I miss cookies from students magically appearing on the coffee table.  I miss my AGroup ladies.  I miss INNtern Training with Jim and Lindsay.  I just miss it.  

Life out at Lutherwood is good - of course!  It's been filled with getting lifeguard re-certified, learning how to be an official BLOB launcher, and facilitating high ropes.  Summer hasn't really started out there just yet.  Campers will be filling the cabins in a week though, and that will be exciting!  

I am excited for the summer and all that is coming.  I'm excited about getting to know the staff at Lutherwood, to search for (and get!) a job that will help me to keep growing and serving, for adventures with friends, and for sunny days on the lake.  

That's all for now I guess.  Later!

Guess What I Remembered

I was reminded of something today - I am loved.  I have friends and family who care.  Right when one moment makes me think my whole world is falling apart, when I just know my heart is going to be crushed and trampled into a million little pieces with nothing left to show that I ever had a heart to share in the first place, they step in and save it.  Someone comes over, picks it up off the ground, brushes it off, and hands it back to me.  My heart is never the same after it falls to the ground; a bruise or a crack is left behind as a reminder of the incident.  But nevertheless, there is healing and hope, encouragement and affirmation, even when I don't give it to myself.

To all my precious, wonderful friends: thank you.  I thank God for you every day, and I love you more than you could know.

Update

Life has been CRAZY full!  Day to day goodness at the INN keeps me checking my planner and poppin' from one cup of coffee to the next.  Meeting people, nurturing friendships with those I love, contemplating what's next, and just living out the typical elements of life create both a challenge and a passion.  I wouldn't trade this time of life for the world.

I have been anxious about a lot of things lately.  I never really want to go home and sit on my couch but I desire a place to sit and rest.  I feel a sense of needing to have some time alone and focus on God and my relationship with him, but I am afraid to walk alone.  New relationships call for new action, new realizations call for me to step up, fresh perspective calls for me to step back.  I have a friend who talks about the different ways we live in tension a lot - more than ever I have begun to experience what he talks about.  

New challenges have begun as well.  On Monday morning Sarah, Lisa, and I are going to tackle a 28 day detox.  It's going to be AWESOME.  I'm really excited about doing something good for my body.  And along with the detox I'm excited to do something for my soul and faith as well.  The INNterns have decided to take on the spiritual discipline of prayer.  We are going to gather together 15 minutes early every morning to pray for the Spirit to move through us, through the INN, through student leaders, and through our beautiful Bellingham.  I'm excited to see what God does with these intentional acts.

Well, off to a long weekend.  Perhaps the sun will shine and my longboard will leave the office and roll me down the sidewalks by the marina.  Until next time, blessings.

Ferry Ride

Yesterday was a bleak and dreary day in Bellingham.  The rain was falling (still) and there seemed to be no hope in sun appearing anytime soon.  So BJ and I jumped in the car and headed south to Seattle with the conclusion that we would either a) find a bit of sun (I know this sounds silly but come on, work with me here) or b) have fun looking for some.  

When we got to Seattle we went in search of a parking spot downtown which can either be really easy or really hard depending on how much you're willing to spend on a parking lot.  After finding a $7 lot we ditched the car and started getting our city-legs walking up and down hills.  A quick trip through Pike's Place Market led us to the wharf where we grabbed a quick coffee and headed to the ferry terminal.  It was the whole reason I really wanted to go to Seattle - I wanted to ride the ferry.  

There is something about the ferry for a girl like me.  It sounds a little ridiculous, especially to those who use the ferry every day to commute from work to home and to those who grew up using it to get from a tiny island to the big city; but for me the ferry is a little bit of a treat.  Being on the water in any way makes me happy - sail boat, speed boat, canoe, kayak, raft, ferry, whatever.  I love looking over the edge and watching the water as it runs alongside the boat.  I love the wind that hits your face and the feeling of being on a dock, rocking back and forth - even if you are on a boat as large and stable as a ferry you feel different when you step back onto dry land.  Everything about it makes me smile.  

I stepped up to the ticket counter and purchased two tickets.  We sat on a bench with our coffee and waited for our turn to jump aboard.  Then the ship came in, we scanned our cards, grabbed a seat, and headed out.  Our ferry went to Bainbridge Island where normally we probably would have jumped off the boat and wandered but the rain was ridiculous.  So we sat and played cards - I let BJ win.  

On the way back to Seattle we stood at the front of the ferry as long as we could, the wind pushing us away from the railing.  It was so strong!  It felt good to be cold, to be pushed by an invisible force.  Once again, I'm sure it sounds silly to everyone who would consider the ferry some sort of a staple or essential element to their life, but I felt a little bit alive.  The wind and the water was good for my soul.  So good.

Afternoon Ramblings - Remembering Tuesday

Last night was the first INN of Winter Quarter.  It was just a typical Tuesday night, full of skits and a video, music and a message, prayer and reflection on scripture.  You know, just a normal Tuesday night at the INN.  

Something was special about Tuesday night.  Maybe it was because it'd been over three weeks since the INN community had gathered together.  Maybe it was because the music team incorporated one of my favorite hymns into the worship set.  Maybe it was because we had breakfast for dinner (i.e. brinner).  Maybe it was because I got to sit with Lisa in the music office before her talk and get a little glimpse into what everyone would be listening to.  Maybe it was all the coffee and lunch dates that once again have begun to fill my planner.  Maybe it was looking through a window and seeing two of my closest friends singing with their eyes closed and their hands raised.  

On Tuesday night I wandered about the church, never really settling down anywhere until the end of the night drew near.  I sat in the hallway behind the alter underneath the light switches.  My job for the night was about to become technical as the lights of the room needed to be raised and lowered to ensure everyone knew there would be a shift in the evening.  And as I sat on the floor and looked over my minute-by-minute for the evening I began to hear harmonies and feel music within my chest...  

"... then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art, how great Thou art...."

The music team was gone.  I could not hear one instrument or vocalist from the music pit - the only sound that filtered through the cracks around the door to my little hallway was the group of voices gathered together.  I closed my eyes and let it sink in.  It was wonderful.

I stopped by BJ's on the way home.  I sat on the floor of his living room with the top of my my head wet and my feet soaked by the rain.  I looked up at him and tried to put into words how it felt to have this part of my life called the INN back in motion.  Once again I have a purpose and structure to my day to day life.  Once again I have time set aside to learn and reflect, to develop and grow, to serve and nurture - and I love it.

Now I am writing from a table in my favorite cozy coffee shop as I wait for my Thursday afternoon coffee date.  I'm writing myself reminders in my notebook and thinking about life.  So much has happened - so much is happening.  A week ago I would tell you I was feeling overwhelmed by it all.  But now, in this moment, I feel like I can process.  I know this sounds silly because a week ago I had lots of free time and very little responsibility, a perfect opportunity to go through the emotions and dilemmas of life one step at a time.  But right now life is just as it should be - busy and overflowing with blessings seen and unseen and amongst it all I feel like I can work through my life.